I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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