Three words: puerto rican gang bang
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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