Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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