He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
