i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
