not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh god it's open bar.
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