So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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