I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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