my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
