my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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