How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
