Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
