its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
