I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
