So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
