I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
