dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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