his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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