"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
