I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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