grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
