Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
