My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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