***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
