Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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