OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
