we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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