My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
