i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
