I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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