you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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