She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
