Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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