Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
