there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you would pick up someone in the library
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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