Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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