5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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