Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
