we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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