I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
