As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
