I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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