69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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