You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
