yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
