i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The uberlube is also flammable
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
