He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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