she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
