And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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