She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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