Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
