My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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