I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Pappa wants mamma naked
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
be right there i have to get my cape
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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