another moral hangover. fuck.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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