I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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