Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
