if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
